Why knowing your values isn’t enough, and the missing piece that changes everything.
What Are Values?
These are just several definitions:
- Principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.
- A set of ethical beliefs and preferences that determine our sense of right and wrong.
- Values are the root beliefs that a person or organization operates from.
As I tell my clients, your values make you unique.
Even if two people share a value like “freedom,” their experiences, beliefs, and perspectives will shape how they interpret and live by that value.
“Values are like fingerprints.
Nobody’s are the same, but you leave ’em all over everything you do.”
– Elvis Presley
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The Gap That No One Talks About
Here’s what I’ve discovered after years of working with clients who feel stuck despite doing the “values work”:
Most people treat their values like a nice list they made once, rather than a practical decision-making system they use daily.
They know “family” is important to them, but still work 60-hour weeks.
They value “creativity,” but never make time for creative pursuits.
They prioritize “health,” but continue habits that leave them with chronic pain and exhaustion.
Your emotions are constantly sending you messages about alignment.
But most of us haven’t learned to decode them.
The problem isn’t their values, it’s that they haven’t learned how to translate those values into consistent, aligned choices.
The Emotional Signals You Can’t Ignore
When you feel:
- Contentment, joy, excitement, peace → You’re in alignment
- Frustration, guilt, anger, resentment → You’re out of alignment
It’s that simple. Your emotional state is a direct reflection of how well your current reality matches your core values.
Where most people get stuck: they notice the negative emotions, but they don’t know how to systematically use their values to make different choices.
The Three Hidden Barriers to Values-Based Living
Through my work with clients, I’ve identified exactly why smart, self-aware people struggle to live their values consistently:
Barrier #1: The Decision Overwhelm Trap
Every choice feels equally important, so you default to old patterns or other people’s expectations instead of consulting your values compass.
Barrier #2: The Guilt Complex
You worry that honoring your values is “selfish” or will disappoint others, so you continue making choices that drain you.
Barrier #3: The All-or-Nothing Mindset
You think living your values means dramatic life changes, so you do nothing instead of making small, consistent, aligned choices.
Sound familiar?
Once you learn the systematic approach to values-based decision making, your life becomes easier and aligned.
How Living Your Values Can Benefit You
Understanding your values is the first step toward reducing emotional overwhelm.
Here’s how living by your values can transform your life:
1. Making Decisions Easier (and better choices for yourself!)
Life is full of decisions, and having clarity about your values makes decision-making easier.
Knowing what truly matters to you, you have a reliable compass that helps you navigate through life’s choices, from big career moves to everyday activities.
Knowing your values ensures that you are making decisions that reflect your authentic self rather than being swayed by external influences.
2. Building Meaningful Relationships
Relationships can be a major source of stress if they are not aligned with your values.
When you understand your core values, you can create connections based on mutual respect and understanding.
Aligning your relationships with your values fosters deeper connections, reduces conflicts, and creates a foundation of trust and authenticity.
3. Reducing Anxiety, Stress, and Overwhelm
Much of the emotional overwhelm we feel stems from living out of alignment with our values.
We might be working in jobs that don’t fulfill us, maintaining relationships that drain us, or making decisions based on pleasing others rather than ourselves.
By identifying and prioritizing your values, you create a more coherent, peaceful life.
Living in alignment reduces internal tension, leading to more peace and less anxiety.
4. Pursuing What Truly Matters
Many people chase goals that don’t genuinely fulfill them, often because they’re following societal expectations rather than their values.
By identifying your core values, you clarify what truly matters to you, which helps you set goals aligned with your authentic self.
Aligning your daily habits, work, and relationships with your core values leads to genuine fulfillment, jo,y and a more meaningful life.
The Missing Piece: A Systematic Approach
Here’s what most values exercises don’t teach you:
You need a repeatable framework for translating your values into daily decisions.
It’s not enough to know that “connection” matters to you.
You need to know:
- How to recognize when a choice supports or undermines connection
- What to do when your values seem to conflict with each other
- How to honor your values even when others don’t understand
- What questions to ask yourself when facing complex decisions
This systematic approach is what separates people who know their values from people who live them.
Your Values Are Calling
If you’ve read this far, something is stirring in you.
You feel the gap between knowing and living your values.
Your values aren’t meant to be pretty words on a piece of paper.
They’re meant to be the foundation of every choice you make, the filter through which you create a life that feels as good as it looks.
The peace and clarity you’re seeking?
It’s not found in having fewer decisions to make.
It’s found in having a reliable system for making decisions that consistently align with who you truly are.
Your values are already perfect. You just need to learn how to use them.
The Power of Living in Alignment
By identifying and living according to your values, you can transform your life from one of being overwhelmed to one of clarity and peace.
Your values act as guiding stars, helping you make decisions that align with your authentic self and lead to fulfillment.
Remember, living authentically isn’t just about identifying your values; it’s about embodying them daily. When you align your actions with your core beliefs, you create a life that not only looks right but feels right.
